Addiction
by saxgirl42
Summary: A sleepless night alone causes Ritsuka to realize his possibly unhealthy dependence on a Fighter he cannot truly call his own.


_A/N: I actually wrote this a couple months ago when I first started reading Loveless, but I figure with the lack of updates everyone could use an extra dose of fluff, so I decided to share. It's nothing too amazing, just a little ficlet I had some fun writing, but I hope you enjoy it all the same!_

_Oh, and it's from Ritsuka's POV. NOW you may read on and enjoy, and don't forget to leave a review! Thanks, guys!_

_Disclaimer: Loveless belongs to Kouga Yun._

o-o-o

He had been here when I fell asleep. I remember because I had been warm snuggled up to his chest, but now that side of the bed is chilly and empty and he is nowhere to be seen.

I sit up slowly, half expecting to see him at my desk or just coming through the window with an apologetic smile, claiming he'd had somewhere to be and hadn't thought I'd wake up before he got back. (That's happened before...) But the room is empty, the window is closed and locked, and there is no sign of him.

"Soubi," I mutter, a bit irked at him for leaving in the middle of the night. It was just plain inconsiderate! He could have at least left a note or something. I check my phone, but there are no messages. Typical.

I sigh and lie back down, holding the cell open in front of my face. The light from the screen illuminates the majority of my room and it's slightly comforting. Lately I've been having more nightmares than usual. That's the reason I've been allowing Soubi to stay with me. Knowing he's right beside me helps me sleep, so I figure it's all right.

The light from my phone goes out and I press a button to reactivate it. It turns out I hit the "Contacts" button, so I find myself staring at Soubi's name in the list. Should I call him? Just to see where he is, of course. It's not like I really _need_ him...

I snuggle deeper into my blankets, trying to hide myself from that blatant lie. I've realized recently that I _do_ need him. I like having him near me. I like knowing where he is. I like knowing he's safe...

But that doesn't mean I have to seem desperate. Does it?

My finger hovers over the dial button for a second before I finally hit it and press the phone to my ear. The sudden lack of light in the room sends a shiver down my spine so I try to ignore it, counting the rings instead.

One.

Two.

Three.

... Why isn't he picking up?

Four.

Five.

... He's not avoiding me again, is he? I wrack my memory for any recollection of me telling him to stay away but I come up with nothing.

Six.

Seven.

It goes to voicemail. In my anger I don't even bother leaving a message. I snap the phone shut and burrow under my sheets.

_Soubi..._

God, why am I so affected by this? So he didn't pick up. So what? I won't talk to him tonight. That's fine. I've lived most of my life without talking him. I can go one more night.

But I know I can't. I need him right now. The darkness of my room won't let me sleep anymore tonight, but there's still another five hours before the sun rises. I don't know if I can do it by myself, but I know I could if I had my Fighter, my Soubi...

I stop myself there. My Soubi? _Mine_? No. No, he belongs to Seimei. He isn't mine, not really. And that thought kills me a little inside.

I want him. I can't help myself. Even as I'm trying to make myself realize that he isn't my Fighter, I can't help but want him with me. And it's not only now! I find myself wishing for him at school, when I'm speaking with Katsuko-sensei, when I'm sitting in my room... It's like I'm addicted. It's probably unhealthy.

My thoughts drift and I glance at my phone again. I flip it open so the light comes on, illuminating the room once more, and I see that it is a quarter past one already. I should really sleep. I have school tomorrow and I promised Yuiko-chan that I would go to the beach with her later. I know I should sleep, but I keep pressing the button to keep the light on and I keep staring at the screen, willing a text message to appear.

After another ten minutes or so I call again. This time I am directed immediately to voicemail. I growl in frustration and fling the phone across the room. It lands by the foot of the window with a sad little clatter. Damn Soubi for making me this crazy! Where is he?

Despite the darkness and my desperate thoughts, I must have fallen asleep at some point, because the next thing I know the sun is just peaking over the horizon and a weight is settling onto the bed next to me. I open my eyes and reach a hand out. My groping fingers meet the fabric of a soft jacket and even softer hair. I grip the silky blonde strands and tug spitefully, earning a little chuckle.

"Good morning, Ritsuka," Soubi says, rubbing a gentle hand through my hair and tickling my ears the way only he can. The touch sends tingles of pleasure through my barely-awake body, but I suppress them as best I can, remembering that I am supposed to be angry at my Fighter. I fix the most malevolent look I can muster onto my face and sit up to face him.

"Where have you been?" I demand, and I'm ashamed to say that I can't help a little pout. Soubi smiles wearily and I notice that he is missing his glasses. I frown; he usually only removes his glasses if he's been fighting... My eyes widen in sudden realization when I see the blood.

"You were fighting without me again!" I snap, grabbing his wounded arm and tugging it gently toward myself so I can see the damage. He tries to jerk his arm away but I hold fast.

"I'm sorry, Ritsuka," he says. It's like a script we each follow perfectly. I will chide him for fighting alone, then he will apologize and disappear for a while to heal. Well, I'm fed up with it. I don't want him to disappear.

"No," I say angrily, inspecting the gashes on his forearm. They don't seem too bad, and I've definitely seen Soubi in worse shape than this, but that's not the point. I meet his blue eyes with what I hope is a frightening gaze. "Why were you fighting without me? I'm not weak!"

"It was nothing."

I move my grip to the front of his shirt. "Don't say that. You're hurt, you idiot! Now tell me why you fought without me."

Soubi hesitates and I think for a second that he won't tell me, but then he sighs and looks down.

"You were sleeping soundly when I felt the challenge and I did not want to wake you, so I handled it on my own." He looks up at me and his expression is different, concerned. He reaches out and brushes some hair out of my face. "You haven't been sleeping much lately, Ritsuka. I've been worried."

I flush, secretly pleased that he's worried about me, and lean forward into his arms, pressing my face to his chest and listening to his heart.

"I sleep better when you're with me," I admit into the fabric of his shirt. "Next time there's a challenge, ignore it unless I tell you to. I don't want you fighting by yourself anymore."

Soubi wraps his arms around me, one hand playing with my ears again. I practically melt against him and I can feel my tail twitching happily behind me. I curse the stupid thing, always showing the emotions I want to hide.

"Is that an order?" Soubi breathes into my hair.

"Yes."

"Understood."

I sigh in relieved contentment and relax against him. We sit like that for a few minutes while my embarrassment at being putty in Soubi's hands fades. He is still tickling my ears but now I just enjoy his touch, gripping the back of his jacket and playing with soft strands of his hair.

"You know," he says finally, "you don't have to be at school for another few hours." I pull away slightly so I can see his face. He is smiling and I feel a blush creep into my cheeks. "You should sleep some more."

"Will you stay?" I ask meekly as he lays me gently down on the bed.

"Order me to," he says, even though he's already settling himself beside me.

"Stay," I say, gripping the front of his shirt again and burrowing into his chest. He wraps his arms around me and I feel him place a light kiss on my forehead.

"Understood."

I close my eyes and press my face into the fabric of his shirt, breathing in the smell of paint and fresh air and cigarettes and Soubi. I curl into him as much as I can and he doesn't seem to mind. He just presses another kiss into my hair and tightens his arms around me.

I never want to leave this spot. I like where I am at this very moment. I don't care that Soubi is technically Seimei's Fighter, or that in a couple hours I will have to go to school and be without him for a few hours. For now, in this moment, Soubi is mine.

o-o-o

_A/N: And he's getting blood on the sheets!_

_... Ahem. Please leave a review, and thanks for reading!_


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